mundens | Dreamwatch : Some-sort-of Idol

So there I was, competing in some sort of singing "Idol" contest.

A frustrating experience, as dream-me was "playing the tortured artist" and refusing to understand why they would not approve my song choices.

I mean, The Clash have been sung on NZ Idol before, and what's "unacceptable" about lyrics like :

Comin' through the door is a snub-nose '44
What the barrel can't snort, it can spatter on the floor

and

When they kick at your front door, how you gonna come?
With your hands on your head or on the trigger of your gun?

And why can't a male do Floyd's "Great Gig in the Sky"?
What is this sexist stereotyping crap? We aren't allowed to scream when we orgasm as well?

I think at that point I realized the organizers didn't know what an orgasm was, or at least hadn't realized that interpretation of the song. They even wanted to cut "Money', saying that the line

Don't give me that do goody-good bullshit

had to go. At this point I started singing the song from "Animals" about Mary Whitehouse, but no-one remembered who or what she was.

Finally I was allowed to sing "Gravedigger", but they got upset when I filked a few extra verses, as it's so easy to do with that song.

I went into some tantrum about being repressed, and why is the black guy allowed to rap misogynistically about "bitches" and use tons of childish innuendo, but I'm not allowed a wee bit of social commentary in a similarly culturally appropriate way.

When they asked me what "misogynistically" meant I pulled a shotgun and blew their tiny brains out. It's not like they needed them, they continued to act as they had done before and merely complained about me making a mess on the wall behind them.

So finally I told them I would sing John Denver's Calypso. I lied.
When we did the full gig, I sung I, Cthullu instead.

I, Cthulhu.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(to the tune of "Calypso", by John Denver )

To sail thru your dreams on a crystalline nightmare,
to ride on the crest of a wild raging dhole
To work for the destruction of life and the living,
To hide all the answers to questions unknown
To be part of your madness, part of the growing
terror. Ah, you're beginining to understand...

I, Cthulhu, the souls that I've been thru,
the pain I could show you,
the visions of hell.
I, Cthulhu, I'll devour your spirit,
like the cultists who've served me so long and so well.

(The screaming begins )
Aiiieeee ayy-ee ooo oo uh-uh arr ar arcg
Uh- uh uh urgh, (retching sounds) unh, uh urr.
(More screaming, tailing off to gurgles)

Like Iok Sotot who guides you, you bring me inside you
To feed on the darkness and show you the way
For as you're a stranger in my violent world
You'll die quickly, unless you set me free.
To be released from R'yleh, this sunken prison
I'll do _anything_, believe you me!

(spoken, sotto voce:)yes, even pretend to be John Denver!

{chorus}

(even more screaming)